(Qualification). This is a long personal message with no expectations for persons to read, but helpful if we work together; to know me better.
Turning 60 in 2 months time (Sept 2023), I decided to make some sort of summary. Life can begin at 60; but of course, the earlier the better. Yes, it is more important what others say about us, but let’s leave that to funerals, so turning 60, I wanted to give some of my perspectives and reflections of what preceded before, and what hopefully follows.
The day you internalise that there is no REPLAY button, living takes on a new meaning. You realize that every day that you wake up is a good day. At least for me that was true. Living life means something different to everyone. My conscientiousness means work and progress are core to my happiness and health. For me sunbathing on a yacht is not living.
To love and to be loved has been a great gift. Love for my wife and her kids (2nd marriage), but no illusions over reciprocity of core values. Unconditional love for my daughter Demi. I still miss my mother who passed 11 years ago. She was my conditioning in deep integrity, fundamental character strength and forthrightness.
Another defining moment, the loss and reflections from my brother’s recent murder, the memories, and the lessons. In this sadness I decided that happiness did not require another day but a change in mindset. Probably my inspiration to write this because writing is an amazing therapy.
We grew up on a farm, in nature. I learned that you reap what you sow, no shortcuts. My dad often repeated that a simple life has its own rewards. It all adds up, I need to be in one with nature. The laws of nature inherently still guide me.
Exercise was always somehow a value of mine. The concept that I practiced diligently is KEEP MOVING”. More is better than less, but always in balance. Up to about 35 this was fitness to compete, and later adapting more with the end goal of being healthy at 90. Still, touch wood, I take no medications. I still take cold showers.
As regards nutrition I recall my parents saying that up to 21 nothing was bad for you. I tried, within reason, to eat healthily. BUT most of my life I was not eating healthily, rather foodstuffs that mainstream media narratives said were healthy. Today’s focus on functional medicine, seeking out root cause, and my desire to learn, reveals very different nutritional facts. Adapting late in my 50s was easy because I had internalised the habits of good nutrition.
After university, and up to 50 my mental learning was mainly in my area of work. Only later, with regret, did I do more serious reading and explore new subjects in any real depth. My mental learning has never been greater than in my late fifties; thanks to YouTube and audio books, and yes, I don’t care about the AI collected on me; nothing to hide. Not all readers are leaders, but all great leaders make time to read.
I recall a corporate program of extensive life balance examinations at the Cleveland Medical Clinic. How strange I felt in the discussions around my spiritual dimension. Strengths in other areas could not make up for a lack in one’s spiritual dimension. I am 100% reality and struggle to believe in things that I have no evidence for.
But with hindsight, and learning, I discovered that my exercise was a kind of meditation, and my way to practice spirituality. Still today I get daily renewal and commitment to my value system in the meditation of exercise.
I think the key to happiness is understanding your limits in every stage of life and staying within your limits and your nature, while pushing those boundaries. The values and principles instilled by my parents, their unconditional love and my schooling privilege have been the source of my self-worth, my identity, my self-esteem, giving me direction in my life. Thank you.
Maintaining a balance is fundamental; often an area of my own undoing because I tend to be a person of extremes. I go until my tank is empty. That was acceptable 10 years ago but today I need to practice stopping while the going is good. Balance again, but balance changes through different stages of life. For me in becoming truly independent I benefited from a competitive work ethic. Then in leadership, relationships became a natural evolution in which cooperation was key and competition a hinderance.
Some examples of the good and the not so good in me … first some positives.
- A high-level balance between courage and empathy, that mix between self-confidence and respect for others.
- Taking responsibility for myself, never acted on by others. Probably why some said I was difficult to manage.
- Knowing that I can influence a lot, which in turn limits any concerns and gives a focus on bigger goals. A positive attitude is important, but this is more about being proactive.
- Focused on fairness, never afraid to speak up. Ask my family, I do not act out “blood is thicker than water”. Do the right thing and you have my full support and more.
- Celebrating other people’s successes. There is enough out there for everyone!
I believe that we were given a blank page at birth (at least 80% blank), but for sure at age 60 it takes greater effort to break the gravity pull of old habits and past conditioning. So here are some of my bad habits that I still work on to change.
- A lack of patience in genuinely accepting that what I cannot change. Maybe this is why I have been called stubborn? There is a subtle but very important difference to a sense of urgency.
- I am maybe too much in self-reflection. Self-reflection is key to self-improvement, the first step to making a change. But too much self-reflection sucks energy. Sometimes I wish that I had less empathy; so again, it proves out the importance of balance.
- I do not move on quick enough from disappointments. Big red flag. Sorry Andreja (my wife) for the silent treatment you sometimes have to endure.
My love for my daughter has no boundaries. My biggest mistake, I did not invest enough in making her even stronger and more independent. I reflect a lot about not being there when she most needed guidance. The real score. She can help me overcome this “guilt” by going out and kicking ass, to accept and forgive that I do not have a replay button.
Andreja, my wife, is a star, I think that I helped her discover her wings. Nina, you will kick ass. Rok, make your IQ work for you (my wife’s children).
Because of an inner strength (no need for confirmation) I put being respected before being liked. I do not care for social media likes or being liked by empty people, but I am extremely grateful for a handful of friends that will climb mountains with me; that genuinely want the best for me. Friends that want to see you win will help you win!
My commitment to myself, my family and friends is to improve balance in every dimension of my life, to peacefully and genuinely accept that which I cannot change and to do more of the important stuff before it becomes urgent or even too late.
My message to others, take care of your energy. Consider carefully what gives you energy and what sucks your energy. And do something about it. Sort of like Dopamine, it is not infinite, manage your life without extreme peaks … again it is about the balance.
I think that the biggest struggle at the end of my life would be if I have not lived a full life. For me that journey is being defined here, right now. Now it is being decided if I will have any regrets. After 60 it’s a road hopefully others will walk with me, but they cannot walk it for me. It must be a focus on living and doing what I want to do while respecting and never hurting others.
A good conclusion is probably a consideration of how long I want to live. Well, if I have family, friends, good health, and financial independence, I hope to live to over 100 and so feed my curiosity in the unknowns, and the benefits that AI will bring in health span. I sure have a heart and mind bigger for the future than for the past.
Very few if anyone would read to the end, so I am safe to add a real conclusion. I am not fxyzing old. I am still good for an arm wrestle with anyone 30 and over, in every dimension of life 😊
Think Bigg-r 