The little things are the big things in relationships. There is no one magic bullet or quick fix in building relationships. But while there are no one bullet magic fixes, there are one bullet actions that can destroy relationships.
Personal integrity is fundamental to trust in relationships. If people are inwardly duplicitous, that will fundamentally undermine all other efforts to create high trust relationships. I have always treated everyone by the same set of principles, whether a cleaner or the CEO. Look at how people treat those with “no” title, you will get to understand their integrity.
The term “he is a politician” is often bandied around. In essence, what is referred is deceptive communication, a lack of an integrated character.
A key area in which I judge integrity is by whether others are loyal to persons not present. Loose lips sink ships.
When my last boss openly criticized a fellow director in my presence and in the presence of my team, I sensed his duplicity. It was clear that he would discuss me in my absence also. Needles to say, we never had a relationship of trust.
I have had relationships with friends strained when they speak inappropriately about mutual friends. How can I trust what they say about me to others. It is not about who is real to your face, it is about who stays real in your absence.
I learnt a valuable lesson from my father as a kid. I went crying to him because another kid did something to me. My father refused to listen to my story in the absence of the other person. Ï cannot recall the boy incident but I never forgot the message.
I live my life inside-out. Problems and solutions are on the inside. If ever I think that the problem is on the outside, then that is the problem. So, when I reflect on the above, I challenge myself as to why these people were comfortable to say those things about others in front of me?
With self- reflection, and staying true to an inside-out approach, I encourage persons to either refrain from talking about others in their absence, or if there is value in their message, to go together and discuss the matter with all present.
Have I never spoken about others in their absence? Yes, but not since I immersed myself in, and live, Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people.
When I coach, I have honest “confrontational” interactions. Many would prefer me to be easy on them, but that does not push great people to be even better. I choose harsh honesty (not hurtful) over sugar coated bullshit everyday.
Think Bigg-r 